This particular issue has been on my heart for quite some time now; years even. How many of us have “TRUE” friends? I bet like me, most of you can count your true friends on one hand. Some of us may not even need that many! Many of us go day to day interacting with people who honestly do not have our best interest at heart. We surround ourselves with people who secretly wish you harm or at least want you to stay at or below them. Whenever something good comes your way, you are hesitant to be “too” happy because the moment gets a little uncomfortable! One thing that really irritates me is those friends who always need something from you but are never around to return the favor. In my opinion every relationship should be as close to a 50/50 partnership as possible. Of course at times one person may be better off and can do more than the other; but come on, I know that all of us have those friends who rarely come through when you need them. I have had the experience of having friends that I would support through anything. Graduations, birthdays, baby showers, I was there. Every time they had an issue with a boyfriend, I’d stay on the other end of the line for hours, consoling and giving the best advice that I could. I became so wrapped up in their lives, it was difficult to focus on my own. I slowly began to realize that whenever I had an important event in my life or needed someone, they were not there. Many of them did not even know what was going on with me because most of our time together was spent talking about their lives. I am a little wiser now, and I have decided to live my life by the “weeding out” process. No more will I become consumed in helping those who do not want to help themselves so you know they can’t help you. Friendships are not about what a person can do for you, but I will not continue to surround myself with individuals who live by the “take, take, take” policy. I am sick and tired of the sappy stories on why they couldn’t make it to yet another get together. No more sorry I couldn’t make it to your birthday gathering or graduation; No more putting up with those who don’t call back and are constantly a “no show”. Apparently all of these years they have felt that their time and existence on this earth has meant more than mine. Well hell, I am tired and I should be. I deserve to be treated the same way that I treat others; with love and respect. I am grateful to still have friends that love me and care about my well-being. I know who will be there when I need them and that is all that matters. In this life we have no time to be overwhelmed with unnecessary mess! We must surround ourselves by positive things in order to have positive outcomes. We don’t need to commit ourselves to those who are constantly tugging on our pant leg. Find those who will be willing to give you a lift! For those of you who are good friends “God bless”; For those of you under construction, “Keep working on it”; For those of you only concerned with yourself, “Keep it moving”.
04
Aug
09
Oh, crap! I’m one of those people. I don’t know what happens to me, but I have a really hard time maintaining long distance relationships– out of sight, out of mind.
I had a best friend in Costa Rica. She and I were close. When I moved to the States, she continued to call me regularly. She never missed a birthday and always emailed me to see what was new with me. Every time she contacted me, I dreaded it. I hated to constantly take the time to up date her with what was going on in my life. Not to sound like horrible person, but I completely forget about her and don’t remember to call her.
Terrible, no? Well, it gets worse.
I have another good friend who wanted me as her bridesmaid at her wedding. She drove 5 hours to come and see the day my daughter was born and now I avoid her calls.
I know I must be an evil person, but I feel like I move on and I have little in common with these people. I appreciate them and I value the memories, but I cannot do long distance. I think I need help.
I have friends that I could never let go of; people in my life that are almost vital! They are the ones that I would drop everything for to be there b/c I know that it would never be taken for granted and I know that I could only expect the same in return.
With that said…
I totally agree with Deb when it comes to friendships that no longer interest you and at some point I feel that everyone should make that decision. It’s a part of maturity and growth when you can realize that these people are still of value, but just not really necessary. It sounds cruel but you can save a lot of wasted effort! Your life becomes full of responsibilities and other priorities that seem much greater and before you know it, things (or people) of the past no longer interest you as they did before.
How right you are, as your life is filled with your career goals falling into place, you will find that the importance of friends are moved somewhere to the back burner. When you start to have kids and husbands they become your true friends. Friends are there and they mean well but they are just like you, at times got other things on your their agendas.
Oh wow! This post hits me in my gut… I 100% understand where you come from and say kudos to you for making the choice to weed out those “friends” who aren’t really friends at all. But it makes me sad to think that I might be one of those people. I look back over the years and the people I grew up with and we had each others backs it seems that we have grown apart. But when I look at my relationships, I have to ask myself “did we honestly grow apart, or did I stop trying to keep us together?” Relationships are for sure a 50/50 deal… so if we choose to treat others the way we expect to be treated, what do we call a friendship/relationship when each person is only giving 25%… can a relationship thrive on a 25/25? Anything less than 100% total results in a failed relationship
Oh wow! This post hits me in my gut… I 100% understand where you come from and say kudos to you for making the choice to weed out those “friends” who aren’t really friends at all. But it makes me sad to think that I might be one of those people. I look back over the years and the people I grew up with and we had each others backs it seems that we have grown apart. But when I look at my relationships, I have to ask myself “did we honestly grow apart, or did I stop trying to keep us together?” Relationships are for sure a 50/50 deal… so if we choose to treat others the way we expect to be treated, what do we call a friendship/relationship when each person is only giving 25%… can a relationship thrive on a 25/25? Anything less than 100% total results in a failed relationship
Well, don’t feel too bad. I was not speaking of you personally lol! I think that we were victims of natural causes. I do think it is important for everyone to re-evaluate who they consider friends. The results may be shocking!